Have you known someone who would always prioritize themselves and undermine others’ needs and wants? In the contemporary world, you may have seen or heard about such types of people and how living with them makes their partners’ lives difficult. Such people might suffer from a mental disorder known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. Now, what exactly is it? In simple words, narcissism refers to the inflated sense of self, and under its influence, a narcissist only thinks about themselves and as a result may keep their partners codependent and traumatized.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE A NARCISSIST: THE RED FLAGS!
Although it sounds unreal, narcissists exist in a great number and many couples have a toxic relationship of one (usually male) being the narcissist while the other (usually female) being the codependent one. Physical and emotional torture, mind control, emotional blackmailing, overpowering the partner’s opinions, making her the laughing stock, giving the hot/ cold treatment along with the silent one are a few tactics used by a narcissist. But, if you are to identify narcissism, what signs or red flags should you look for?
WHY DO PEOPLE BECOME NARCISSISTIC/ CODEPENDENT?
Do you also wonder why narcissistic people become that way or why their partners accept being codependent? Of course, neither someone wishes to be known as toxic nor does anyone want misery for themselves. Several factors contribute to making someone narcissistic or codependent i.e. getting raised by a narcissistic, codependent parent, childhood neglect, childhood abuse or torture, and over pampering or constant censure from parents are some of the underlying causes of making one a potential narcissist or codependent as an adult.
HOW DO THE NARCISSISTS ABUSE/ OPERATE?
As a child, did you read the story Snow White in which the queen used to chant “Mirror, Mirror on the wall!” in front of her mirror? The mirror was trained to respond according to the queen’s wish, right? For a person with NPD, their partner is just like that mirror. He would sap his partner off her energy, enthusiasm, and self-confidence. Their splendid sense of self and the unending pressure to get attention and praises deprive the codependent of their spark.
So, what specific strategies do narcissists make use of to ensure their partner remains codependent?
GASLIGHTING:
Gaslighting is probably one of the favorite moves from a narcissist. What exactly is gaslighting? Precisely speaking, it is a scheme through which the toxic person makes the partner question her own sanity and ‘self’. It gradually grubs the victim’s self-confidence, self-esteem, and strength and leaves them baffled and weary.
LOVE BOMBING:
Well, who would want to resist the showers of love and affection from their better half? However, when your partner uses it schematically, learn to identify it. Narcissists tend to become extra sweet and accommodating to keep their prey hooked. This is done deliberately to counterbalance the hostility that may have occurred earlier because of their verbal or physical abuse towards you.
USING MACHIAVELLIAN PHRASES/ SENTENCES:
Well, when a narcissist feels threatened, vulnerable or inferior, he would try to belittle you by using manipulative words. Words like, “You have gone nuts, when did I mean that?” or “You must be crazy to overthink this much!”
As a codependent person, you would correlate with these sentences and doubt your own goodness. Resultantly, you would always find yourself feeling guilty for nothing and apologizing unreasonably.
APATHY AND PERPETUAL CENSURE:
A narcissistic partner would always choose to ignore what you like, dislike or want in life. They would never validate your positive energy in the relationship. This way, they ensure your codependency and despondency too. To add fuel to the fire, offer unsolicited censure and critical viewpoint regarding your actions and decisions if any. They even dare to question your mental stability, if things remain unrestrained.
HOW TO OVERCOME CODEPENDENCY?
If you recognize your partner as narcissistic, and yourself as a codependent; there is no need to feel guilty or miserable. It would be hard to not feel bad but with someone you trust by your side and the right ways to end the toxic game, the struggle would be worth it. So, waste no time to take the following steps towards self-reclamation:
FINAL THOUGHTS
In short, living with a narcissist can seem like no less than self-imposed caging and torment. Keeping you miserable and codependent may work for your partner, but should you choose to spend your life in such a situation? The answer to this question will help you decide for your future life in a better way.
Although it sounds unreal, narcissists exist in a great number and many couples have a toxic relationship of one (usually male) being the narcissist while the other (usually female) being the codependent one. Physical and emotional torture, mind control, emotional blackmailing, overpowering the partner’s opinions, making her the laughing stock, giving the hot/ cold treatment along with the silent one are a few tactics used by a narcissist. But, if you are to identify narcissism, what signs or red flags should you look for?
- Excessively devious, scheming, and aggressive
- Fishing for compliments and affection (with or without consent)
- Always using the “I” phrases instead of “We”
- Either love bombing or turning a cold shoulder randomly (hot and cold treatment)
- Deficient in showing empathy and persistence
- Demeaning and suspecting the partner
- Resounding with a victim mentality for extra attention
WHY DO PEOPLE BECOME NARCISSISTIC/ CODEPENDENT?
Do you also wonder why narcissistic people become that way or why their partners accept being codependent? Of course, neither someone wishes to be known as toxic nor does anyone want misery for themselves. Several factors contribute to making someone narcissistic or codependent i.e. getting raised by a narcissistic, codependent parent, childhood neglect, childhood abuse or torture, and over pampering or constant censure from parents are some of the underlying causes of making one a potential narcissist or codependent as an adult.
HOW DO THE NARCISSISTS ABUSE/ OPERATE?
As a child, did you read the story Snow White in which the queen used to chant “Mirror, Mirror on the wall!” in front of her mirror? The mirror was trained to respond according to the queen’s wish, right? For a person with NPD, their partner is just like that mirror. He would sap his partner off her energy, enthusiasm, and self-confidence. Their splendid sense of self and the unending pressure to get attention and praises deprive the codependent of their spark.
So, what specific strategies do narcissists make use of to ensure their partner remains codependent?
GASLIGHTING:
Gaslighting is probably one of the favorite moves from a narcissist. What exactly is gaslighting? Precisely speaking, it is a scheme through which the toxic person makes the partner question her own sanity and ‘self’. It gradually grubs the victim’s self-confidence, self-esteem, and strength and leaves them baffled and weary.
LOVE BOMBING:
Well, who would want to resist the showers of love and affection from their better half? However, when your partner uses it schematically, learn to identify it. Narcissists tend to become extra sweet and accommodating to keep their prey hooked. This is done deliberately to counterbalance the hostility that may have occurred earlier because of their verbal or physical abuse towards you.
USING MACHIAVELLIAN PHRASES/ SENTENCES:
Well, when a narcissist feels threatened, vulnerable or inferior, he would try to belittle you by using manipulative words. Words like, “You have gone nuts, when did I mean that?” or “You must be crazy to overthink this much!”
As a codependent person, you would correlate with these sentences and doubt your own goodness. Resultantly, you would always find yourself feeling guilty for nothing and apologizing unreasonably.
APATHY AND PERPETUAL CENSURE:
A narcissistic partner would always choose to ignore what you like, dislike or want in life. They would never validate your positive energy in the relationship. This way, they ensure your codependency and despondency too. To add fuel to the fire, offer unsolicited censure and critical viewpoint regarding your actions and decisions if any. They even dare to question your mental stability, if things remain unrestrained.
HOW TO OVERCOME CODEPENDENCY?
If you recognize your partner as narcissistic, and yourself as a codependent; there is no need to feel guilty or miserable. It would be hard to not feel bad but with someone you trust by your side and the right ways to end the toxic game, the struggle would be worth it. So, waste no time to take the following steps towards self-reclamation:
- Start by validating this issue. Many codependent people consider all the toxic moves shared above as signs of passionate love. So, it is hard to move away from this utopian concept. But, the earlier you acknowledge the fact that you are with a narcissist-an abuser, the better.
- Learn the art of saying ‘No’ when you do not feel the need to say ‘Yes’ as it will help you feel strong and make your abuser feel incapacitated. It will be real strife initially but as soon as you do it for the first time, you will feel the inner contentment and sense of accomplishment. The next time it will be like a walk in the park.
- Practice meditation as it will help you realign your mind and beat all the anxiety and frustration that gets built up inside.
- Set healthy boundaries and stick to them so that your partner gets a message loud and clear to not trespass the healthy boundaries. Stay firm but civil and see the wonders of it after some time.
- Read books and refuel your mind. This will act as a loyal companion and guide by your side and provide you with great ways to go through those dark days.
- Lastly, a trained therapist can always be sought for healing and strength. They use talk therapies aka Cognitive Behavior Therapy and help you come out of the toxic relationship.
FINAL THOUGHTS
In short, living with a narcissist can seem like no less than self-imposed caging and torment. Keeping you miserable and codependent may work for your partner, but should you choose to spend your life in such a situation? The answer to this question will help you decide for your future life in a better way.
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