Do you know that codependency is now one of the most rampant relational issues? Having said so, many people are still unaware of its presence in their lives and relations. What they consider as love and sacrifice usually turn out to be codependency in the end which proves to be a shattering reality for them. Anyhow, we will discuss these details too but first, we need to know what actually codependency is, why people become codependent and how does a codependent relationship looks like? Let’s unravel these mysteries:
WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?
Codependency, as the name denotes, refers to when a person looks up to their partner for their joys and sorrow. A codependent person does every deed to make their mate happy and to ensure the well-being and satisfaction of their partner, they would do anything. This usually gets counted as extreme devotion, love, sacrifice, and care but the reality is that when the codependent does all of this, their partner only manipulates and exploits. This becomes a highly toxic relationship as the codependent gets consumed by it and the other half remains unaffected and barely considers the input by the codependent.
WHY DO SOME PEOPLE BECOME CODEPENDENT?
The roots of codependency usually go down to childhood time where kids witness either a codependent relationship or someone dependent on a substance. Moreover, within toxic households, kids view their elders as role models and follow their patterns, healthy or unhealthy. So, they learn early on to depend on someone for their well-being and composure. This is from where most of the codependent adults had learned it and became a victim to an abuser later on when in a relationship.
Additionally, in some families where one of the parents is a narcissist, children tend to become codependent. For instance, a narcissistic mother will make sure her kids remain dependent on her for their well-being. Consequently, the kids fail to form healthy and happy relationships as adults since their lives remain controlled by their mothers. So, codependency just does not happen overnight but is injected gradually; sometimes from childhood and sometimes in toxic adult relationships.
WHAT DOES A CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?
In a codependent relationship, one of the partners is holding the reins of the relationship in their hands (and mostly it is the male partner!) and unfortunately, the dependent souls get abused in all ways possible. Some indications that confirm this sort of unhealthy relationship are:
CAN CODEPENDENCY BE DEFEATED?
As much as it sounds worrisome and traumatic, recovering from codependency is not impossible. You need to first identify (through a trusted friend or a therapist) that this issue exists and then start your journey of self-reclamation. This can be done step-wise with the help of a counselor or guide. In any case, seeking professional help should be the topmost priority.
THE CONCLUSION
To sum up, the presence of codependency by the victim is usually tougher but it must be identified and dealt with professionally as soon as possible. After all, it takes a toll on your physical and mental health and even puts your sanity at stake. So, if you witness it in any of your dear ones, please do not hesitate to talk about it to them gently and consistently. Would it not fill you up with joy to see them happy and independent again?
Codependency, as the name denotes, refers to when a person looks up to their partner for their joys and sorrow. A codependent person does every deed to make their mate happy and to ensure the well-being and satisfaction of their partner, they would do anything. This usually gets counted as extreme devotion, love, sacrifice, and care but the reality is that when the codependent does all of this, their partner only manipulates and exploits. This becomes a highly toxic relationship as the codependent gets consumed by it and the other half remains unaffected and barely considers the input by the codependent.
WHY DO SOME PEOPLE BECOME CODEPENDENT?
The roots of codependency usually go down to childhood time where kids witness either a codependent relationship or someone dependent on a substance. Moreover, within toxic households, kids view their elders as role models and follow their patterns, healthy or unhealthy. So, they learn early on to depend on someone for their well-being and composure. This is from where most of the codependent adults had learned it and became a victim to an abuser later on when in a relationship.
Additionally, in some families where one of the parents is a narcissist, children tend to become codependent. For instance, a narcissistic mother will make sure her kids remain dependent on her for their well-being. Consequently, the kids fail to form healthy and happy relationships as adults since their lives remain controlled by their mothers. So, codependency just does not happen overnight but is injected gradually; sometimes from childhood and sometimes in toxic adult relationships.
WHAT DOES A CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?
In a codependent relationship, one of the partners is holding the reins of the relationship in their hands (and mostly it is the male partner!) and unfortunately, the dependent souls get abused in all ways possible. Some indications that confirm this sort of unhealthy relationship are:
- You are always thinking about what your partner would feel or think about you.
- You consider it your utmost liability to keep him happy, putting your own choices aside.
- You keep saying ‘yes’ when inwardly you wish to say ‘no’
- You put your needs at the back foot and always prioritize your partner’s wishes and directions. This includes directions about how you should dress, live, eat and even think.
- Even if you find your partner cheating and tactful, you still find no courage to confront him since it might tarnish your relationship. (This is the recurrent thought!)
- You feel anxious, pesky, and irritated when he is not around. You wish to be with him all the time and consider yourself incomplete without him by your side. This is very interesting because he keeps you hooked up through his ‘hot and cold’ treatment. So, every time your partner ignores you or is away, you feel devastated.
- Nothing is ever his fault. You feel the need to shoulder all the blame and guilt because you have been conditioned to think like this. Despite messing up, he remains exempted from accountability and you, without being concerned, get burdened with all the blame.
- You take your inward frustration out on things and sometimes on your kids if you have them. Your parenting gets ruined and you shoulder this guilt too leading to more depression and anxiety.
- You gradually lose the sense of ‘self’ as you start struggling with an identity crisis. Your self-worth and self-esteem remain blurred because you never paid heed to it while tending to your partner’s likes and dislikes.
- Self-care becomes an obsolete thing for you. Barely focusing on your physical and mental well-being, you feel haggard, clumsy, and clueless about the world outside the four walls of her home.
CAN CODEPENDENCY BE DEFEATED?
As much as it sounds worrisome and traumatic, recovering from codependency is not impossible. You need to first identify (through a trusted friend or a therapist) that this issue exists and then start your journey of self-reclamation. This can be done step-wise with the help of a counselor or guide. In any case, seeking professional help should be the topmost priority.
THE CONCLUSION
To sum up, the presence of codependency by the victim is usually tougher but it must be identified and dealt with professionally as soon as possible. After all, it takes a toll on your physical and mental health and even puts your sanity at stake. So, if you witness it in any of your dear ones, please do not hesitate to talk about it to them gently and consistently. Would it not fill you up with joy to see them happy and independent again?
RSS Feed
